Happy Radio Syndrome
by the original KeT
Summary: After a very unfortunate day, Kanda finds a new and very OOC way to unwind. Slightly sugarfic. Very silly, OOC and rated PG for language and revenge. The first story to come out of The Exorcist's Order Fanfiction Challenge, as well as my FIRST fic! R&R!


**Author's Note**: This is a response to the D.Gray Fanfiction Challenge. It is not my best work, but it is my first, so bear with me and review. It's also set in the modern day, and the premise is that they all live in an apartment together. Or something. Also, there really are "This is my happy shirt" shirts out there. They have some at K-Mart. I want one.

* * *

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. If they did, Kanda would act like this all the time. Also, all swearwords are solely the product of Kanda's foul mouth, not mine. Not that I have a foul mouth.

* * *

Yuu Kanda was sulking.

There was nothing unusual about this.

The circumstances leading up to _this_ sulk _were_, however—being bodily dragged down to the pool with the rest for no apparent reason and being forced to go on myriad snack runs and other bothersome errands, then getting knocked into the pool by some kid running past (uniform and all!) and left with no alternative but to wear some of Rinali's extra clothing—so for once his mood was justified.

Exiled to Rinali's room after finding himself locked out of his own (this was turning out to be quite a day), Kanda slumped on the brightly sheeted bed and glared at the too-damn-short denim cutoffs and the red tank top that wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't had _This Is My Happy Shirt_ printed on it. Stupid girly clothes.

Kanda tried the doorknob again. Locked.

What the hell was going on today? Was it one of Rabi's elaborate "Torment Yuu-chan" plots? If so, he was dead. This locked door didn't really matter, anyway. He wouldn't go anywhere dressed like this in the first place.

The sound of laughter filtered through the walls. Kanda, who wasn't in the mood to put up with other people's good moods, immediately drowned it out by switching on Rinali's radio and flipping through a few stations.

Pure drivel, all of it. He turned it off.

Silence flooded the room. It was now too goddamn quiet.

With a sigh of irritation, Kanda flicked it back on.

_"Hello, and welcome to the Happy Radio Show!!"_ An overly excited young lady's voice came shrilling out of the speakers over a hyperactive techno beat. _"It's so great to have you here with me, Ashuri the Island Girl, on this absolutely gorgeous summer day! Don't you just love this perfect weather?! Well, our lines are now open for requests, questions or juuust to talk, so give us a call and we'll make your day even more wonderful than it already is!"_

Kanda would have thrown up if it wasn't for the sudden headache.

He hastily tried to switch stations, but the knob was sticking. Damn! Of all the times! And of course Rinali would blame him for breaking the stupid thing, too. With resignation, he let the boombox be and turned the volume far, far down (at least _that_ worked) and listened with half an ear to the first song.

Which wasn't as awful as he'd expected.

Well, it wasn't exactly a masterpiece to last the ages, but it was the kind of thing someone might play to wake themselves up in the morning: energetic, loud and cheerful.

That said, it wasn't his kind of music, but it had a certain kind of sing-along, toe-tapping appeal to it. Like konpachi, or yukimi daifuku. Sweet.

Kanda hated sweet things.

But there was something about this music that made him want to keep listening.. something that made him want to hum along..

Something that made him feel _good_.

Ten minutes later, Kanda was dancing in front of Rinali's mirrored wardrobe using her hairbrush as a microphone. He'd held out for almost three songs.

Two and one-fourth minutes after that, the sensible part of him, which had been temporarily steamrollered by the pop-princess endorphins, reminded Kanda that he couldn't dance.

The invasive happy part crushed this agreement by making him twirl around until his hair tie slipped out and he got so dizzy that he fell down, pinwheeling his arms.

"Wah," Kanda groaned as he nursed his throbbing head... then paused.

_Had he just spoken a sentence with the cute little wavy line at the end? OMG._

_Had he just used the acronym OMG? OMG._

_This radio station is doing something to me!!_ Kanda thought in shock. _I'm even beginning to think in exclamation points! I sound like the cutesy little MC!!_

A stray giggle caught his ear. It didn't sound like it was coming from the radio. Kanda looked around in confusion (horribly aware that his lips were slightly parted and his eyes were wide, giving him a cute expression. He could see himself in the mirror).

Was he going crazy? He was definitely going crazy! If suddenly feeling uncharacteristic urges to dance and sing wasn't enough, now he was hearing voices!

And there went the exclamation points again!! Everyone knew that anyone who was so overexcited as to use more than one exclamation point per paragraph was obviously not right in the head!!

Kanda managed to calm himself down before the mental girly bit of his brain had a shrieking tizzy meltdown. There was a rational explanation for it, and that was that he was simply hearing someone laughing in the next room.

It sounded awfully loud, though.

Before Kanda could think any further, the voices came back again.

"Nii-san.. this one-way mirror hiding this secret compartment wasn't _always _in my room, was it?" That voice sounded like Rinali's, a little suspicious and annoyed.

"No, no, of course not! Rabi-kun planted it here right before we left. Wasn't it brilliant of him to do it in such a short time?" And that one sounded like Komui, evilly gleeful as usual.

"Gee, thanks! It was totally worth it, huh? Even payin' off the kid to dump him in the pool so he'd have to wear Rinali's stuff, locking his door from the inside, jamming the station knob and all that other stuff!" Rabi's voice, hardly able to speak for chuckling.

"I can't believe you planned this all around the airing time of the Happy Radio Show, too." That voice sounded like moyashi, giggling like a little kid. He was such an airhead.

Kanda rubbed his now-dully aching temples. At least he seemed to be only going mildly insane. The voices in his head weren't totally new personalities, and they weren't telling him to kill anyone.

Wait a minute...

One-way mirror? Secret compartment?

"Ah, Rabi-san, he looks angry all of a sudden... do you think he heard us?" the Allen voice whimpered.

"Naah, he probably just can't find his hair thingy. Hey, Yuu-chan, it's on the floor next to the bedpost!" Rabi snickered, confident that Kanda (who was now beginning to steam) couldn't hear him. "Keep filming, Komui, we can edit out these boring parts later! We can't afford to miss anything."

_...Filming?_

Kanda picked up Rinali's vanity table chair and, quite calmly, threw it through the mirrors on the doors of the wardrobe.

"I told you not to be so loud, Rabi-san!" Allen screamed, tears running down his face. "He's gonna kill us!"

Rabi tsk'ed and patted Allen. "Now, Allen-chan. Yuu-chan is a level-headed, mature young man-- or at least normally he is-- I'm sure we can wor--GUAH!"

His statement was simultaneously rescinded and cut off as Kanda, even more calmly, threw the entire vanity table into his face.

Rinali, Allen and Rabi all began screaming at once.

"My furniture's all broken!"

"Rabi-san! Rabi-san, speak to me!"

"Ow! Omigod, I'm bleeding! Oh, the pain!"

Only Komui remained cool, filming the scene with a blissful smile on his face.  
"Ah, this will make a perfect finale.."

His voice trailed off as he noticed Kanda's burning eyes swing in his direction.

**_ "Kooommmuuuuuiiiiiiiii... give me that camera NOW..."_**

"Ahh, but I can't do that, Kanda..." Komui began innocently, backing toward the hidden door in the back of the shattered wardrobe-compartment. "After all, it's brand new and cost quite a lot, and I have no doubts that if I let you get your hands on it, you'd break it by using it to bash my head in... ahahah..haha..."

His voice trailed off again as the expression on Kanda's face sunk in.

_**"What a good idea,"**_ Kanda said slowly in his new serial-killer voice, appearing to consider it. **_"I was just planning to throw it under a passing car... but perhaps I'll combine the ideas and bash your head in, then throw you and the camera into traffic."_**

Komui sweatdropped, paused, and was about to beg for his life when he remembered his manners.

"By the way, Kanda-chan, you looked like you were really having fun..."

Kanda blinked.

"I was," he said in his normal tone. "It was actually enjoyable."

"So, in reality you're grateful for the opportunity to loosen up that we provided you with?" Komui pleaded, hoping this was his ticket out of the local morgue.

"Yes..."

Komui breathed a sigh of utter relief.

_**"But I think killing you slowly and painfully will be a lot more fun."**_

Komui's nerve finally snapped. He dashed through the hidden door (which, by the way, led into the next apartment, causing a lot of consternation for the renters), Kanda right after him.

_**"KOMUI, GET BACK HERE! I'LL CHOP YOU INTO A THOUSAND PIECES WITH MUGEN, FRY YOU, AND FEED YOU TO THE NEXT AKUMA I FIND!!"**_

And sitting on the floor, the camera kept filming.

* * *

A/N: Phew! Not bad for mostly written in one day, eh? I can't remember for the life of me what those little candy stars are really called, so I said konpachi. Yukimi Daifuku is vanilla ice cream wrapped in mochi. The excessive exclamation points insanity thing I jacked from the Terry Pratchett book Maskerade, which is a very good book and quite funny. Please inform me if I made any errors! 


End file.
